What to Expect When You're Not Expecting : For Potential Daddies

Oh God, the ‘late period talk.’ I’m sure every sexually active adult has had this (scary) conversation like every adult hand you’ve shaken has held a penis. Probably has something to do with sex being the leading cause of pregnancies. (This article was written in 2018.)

Here, we are going to focus on the male perspective, but not in a macho, dump her and run sort of way. (Sorry to all the muscle magazines and pick-up artist forums.) In fact, whatever your first instinct is, my fellow males, probably even your second, you may want to avoid it.

So let’s explore the different possibilities of this ‘pregnancy scare’ from a one-night stand, I-don’t-even-know-this-person encounter to the long-term committed relationship. You got lucky enough for a woman to share her body with you and now there’s this thing growing inside of her with your DNA. Man up?!












Good? Okay. So whether or not she’s your ‘moon and stars, love of your life,’ your ‘I really really like her a lot, but…’, or your ‘I got drunk and pulled out, I swear’ lady, let’s get to this.

Hopefully, the next time (if you aren’t too scared to have sex again) you decide to put your baby-making magic potion into her center-of-the-world vortex of pleasure, (or your best buddy calls you up for an emergency guys night out looking for advice and a shoulder to cry on for the same reason,) you’ll know what to do.

(Just remember, if the ‘scared-man’ can do it, so can you. ‘ski-ba-bop-ba-dop-bop’)

So before we break down the different scenarios, let’s go ahead and apply a rule to any time this situation may arise, whatever the case: be the good guy you know you can be.

Yeah, your world is about to be just as messed up as hers over this: finances, relationships, your freedom… dear god. And yeah, we have feelings too. But let's be honest, she’s got all that, plus: ‘F***. There’s something that isn’t me… growing inside of me!’ ‘Sandra is going to get that promotion over me now for sure.’ And of course… ‘How am I going to tell my parents?’

Therefore, when we talk about our own feelings and how it is going to affect our lives, let’s remember to be a gentleman and let the ladies go first. Whether you’re having a baby or a procedure, just remember this ‘sticky mess’ (sorry, easy pun… ) is just as much your fault as it is hers and needs to be considered and discussed immediately with the understanding that this is going to play a bigger role on her life (and body) much more and much sooner than yours.

The ‘Mistake'

When It Was Never Part of the Plan

So you met her, it was magical, it was one night, one summer, one whatever, but one thing is for sure, you know her body more than her personality and you’ve just found out you may be parenting a new life with her.

She just had the courage to tell you, don’t punish her by going crazy and vomiting your insecurities on her:

(It’s okay, country boys always come through in the end and sing songs about it.)

Call your brother, sister, friends, bartender, that guy that shares your cubicle, anybody but your mating-better-half (or your parents), and unload on them. You don’t want to break down in front of her when she’s looking for her strong man that held her that one fateful night.

When you do speak to her, don’t put her on the stand: ‘I thought you were on the pill.’ ‘What are YOU going to do?’ Maybe give a comforting touch or hold… not her ass, haven’t you learned your lesson? As alien as the concept seems to men, don’t try to ‘solve the problem’. Just listen, see how you both feel about it and talk about it as openly, honestly, and considerate of each other as you can.

Whatever the decision the two of you make, it will be life-changing for both of you. A decision you will have to live with the rest of your life, both causing sleepless nights. Thus, if/when you get that phone call from the girl whose last name you don’t know from six weeks ago, remember; this isn’t just about you.

I’m assuming kids aren’t reading this, but even for those light of heart, the following list may be a bit sensitive to read.

The ‘F’ Word…

Feticide, Not the Other One… Or Well, Maybe the Other One Too.

If she decides (or both of you together hopefully) that an abortion is the right thing to do, do what you can:

  • Listen to her. If she knows you’re there emotionally for support, you’ll be the man Rudyard Kipling wrote about.

  • Offer to pay. Whether she accepts it or not, remember that you’re getting off easier than her, she’s still got things coming for her over the next month to remind her of her decision beyond a bank statement.

  • Stay or go as she wishes. If you don’t know each other well, chances are this may be the last time you even talk to each other. Despite it being in her body though, it is still just as much yours as hers and offering to be there with her to take it out as you were there to put it in is the least you can do.

  • Call even if she is done with you. Most women won’t even want to talk about it, (but having a friend open enough to tell me once,) besides the non-physical effects it has on a woman, the ‘cramps’, are apparently the worst thing imaginable (besides perhaps actually giving birth.) Considering that, an awkward phone call on your part is maybe the best one can do.

She’s a Keeper, but You Aren’t…

She Wants to Keep the Unborn Offspring, But You Do Not

This one, I believe, is the most difficult situation imaginable. On the one hand, you have your father’s voice in your head telling you to do what he did that kept you alive (and with the possibility of making the same bad decisions as him), or you are forced into this life of constant regret for not bringing up this child with this woman you once chose to get kinky with or possibly always holding the child and child-bearer in spite the rest of your God-given life…

Whatever you decide, please don’t pressure her into a decision she doesn’t want for your own sake.

There isn't enough space on the internet to answer this question correctly for anyone. Good Luck!

Happy, but Not Ready

You Know Her Last Name, Even Her Parents’, But Not Baby-Ready Yet

‘There’s something I wanted to talk to you about.’ She said.

‘Ah, shit. What now?’ You thought.

‘I’m late/pregnant.’

Depending on if she’s tested herself already, been to a doctor already, you may respond differently, but chances are you were caught by surprise. You may not even have your shoes off and in the cubby hole by the front door before she knocks your socks off with the news. (No more easy jokes… I swear.)

The first thing in your mind is, ‘What is my life now?’ You love her. You want a baby with her. Just… not now…

I swear. We'll be ready next year. Just one more year of drinking, traveling, and MDMA.

If I said the previous situation was the hardest, perhaps I should change it to this one. Now you are with someone you love. Someone who loves you too. Someone who knows you. Knows you beyond that hidden tattoo or birthmark where the sun doesn’t shine. She knows you when you are upset and the rest of the world is oblivious. She may even know when you need something before you do…

Anyway, you get the point. It results into, ‘You’re being weird.’ You can’t hide it and you’re going to make her suffer for it just because you hate the world for a few months due to this unexpected change.

The worst part is… you still love her, you would never leave her, yet your behavior makes her feel isolated… alone. The last thing you’d ever want for her, especially in this moment.

Happiness Births More Happiness

You’re in a Happy Relationship and Want a Baby

Well, congratulations, you, sexy beast, you.

That's right. You are.


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